Nice Refraint!

It happens to everybody one time or another, you start out saying something then switch what you are saying. Sometimes it can be pulled off, but more times than not, words end up getting jumbled, or the entire meaning of what you were trying to say gets all twisted. This happened to me the other day. I was with someone and they were being smarted off to by a third person. The person that I was with bit her tongue trying to refrain from lowering to the other’s level. After the third person left, I said, “Nice refraint!” Yes, even as I am typing right now I have my word processor telling me that refraint is not a word. I knew that. I was just thinking about how she had been refraining from saying anything, and that she was showing nice restraint. The two ideas just blended. Immediately I had caught what I had said and laughed it off. Then I got to thinking, why isn’t it a word, and thought about it in the back of my mind the rest of the night. Today I decided to look up the definitions for REFRAIN and RESTRAIN. The big difference between the two is that to refrain is something that one does to one’s self; to restrain is something that one does to another. The word restraint started as a description of the thing through which the restraining is being done. Restrain comes from Latin words meaning to tie back. The phrase “Nice restraint”, has been around for a long time as a reference to one’s holding back in certain situations. What is the restraint in such a case? What is it that is performing the action of restraining? I suppose it is one’s will power. So, when someone says, “Nice restraint,” they are really saying “Nice will power”. Ok, I can go with that, but let’s take another look at refrain. Refrain comes from words meaning to reign back, or to curb, but if we take those words apart, it means to bridle. What is it then, which we seek to tie down on one hand, or to bridle and control on the other? Some may say that it is our impulsiveness, or our brashness, which is why it needs to be restrained. I disagree. I think it is our spirit, and that sometimes our spirit can be impulsive, or brash. But a spirit is something to be harnessed (- yes I used that word intentionally) and led as one does a horse. So the next time someone shows a particularly good display of control, don’t complement them on tying down their spirit, complement them on the controlling and leading their spirit, and say “Nice Refraint!”